סלוגנים מצחיקים באנגלית | חלק ד'
A man rushed into the doctor's office
and *****ed, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down.
You'll just have to be a little patient."
It's a small world so you
have to use your elbows a lot.
If a thing is worth doing
it would have been done already.
If your voting could really change things,
it would be illegal.
Remember, half the people in the world
are below average.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger." Lawyers...You gotta love 'em.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
Blood is thicker than water
and tastier, too.
Endless Love:
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles
playing tennis
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
What if the Hokey Pokey
really is what it's all about?
When things look dark,
hold your head up high
so it can rain up your nose.
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
It may be your sole purpose
in life to simply serve as a
warning to others.
News Item:
It was announced today that Fairchild Electronics will be merging with Honeywell Computers. The new company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
Gargling twice a day is a good way
to see if your throat leaks.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play?
I can't rememberer whether
I'm the good twin or the evil twin.
SOME DAYS IT'S JUST NOT WORTH
GNAWING THROUGH THE STRAPS.
People who say you can't buy happiness
just don't know where to shop.
Join the army
Travel the world,
Meet interesting people
And kill them.
A marine biologist developed a species of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
24 hours in a day
24 beers in a case
Coincidence?
I think not!
If we weren't meant to eat animals
then why are they made of meat?
Ham and Eggs
A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig.
If you are thinking about your first cruise or planning your next
one, check out FortOgden's page, Cruise Tips and Suggestions.
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FortOgden.com has no financial or administrative connection to any cruise line or travel agency.
I was only looking at
your nametag, honest!
ILLINOIS
the land of the voting dead
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
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